Hondo not only brought his overall record to .500 by going 9-7 in Week 3, but also maintained his No. 1 status in the Best Bet penthouse, although he now has some unwanted company. Some people just don't know when to leave you alone.
Before delving into the whys and wherefores of Week 4, Mr. Aitch, on behalf of the rest of the Bettor's Guide, would like to congratulate Brian Costello for finally breaking into the Best Bet win column. Everyone was confident you could do it.
Jets over Lions: The red zone is the dead zone for the Jets. However, the road can be a load for the Lions. What to do? Well, it's like this: Gang Green is 0-2 so far on its six-week run of facing elite QBs. If they're going to break through against one of them, it will be against the weakest link, Stafford.
Not only that but Rex provided assurances Geno will improve: "I've seen him improve. I've seen him make huge improvements. I think he's going to continue to improve. I truly believe that." Rex would never say something he doesn't believe, so that's good enough for Hondo.
Bears over Packers: Dale Decker of Two Rivers, Wis., experiences as many as 100 orgasms a day because he's suffering from something called Persistent Genital Arousal Syndrome (PGAS). Assuming he's a Packers fan, chances are the number probably will drop into the mid-90s Sunday.
Decker complained of having an orgasm at the grocery store, but he may have been partially to blame for that one himself — he kept checking and rechecking the melons.
It's a rare condition but not unheard of, medical experts say. Bill Clinton had a similar affliction when he was in the White House, although his version was known as PPPGAS — President Peyronie's Persistent Genital Arousal Syndrome.
Texans over Bills: After listening to Jim Nantz's contentious interview with Mike Francesa, it's clear if Roger Goodell ever needs a hug he can always run to the open arms of Nantz.
In an obvious suckup to Goodell, Nantz stridently challenged Francesa's notion that it looks like the fix could be in on the so-called independent probe of the commissioner by former FBI chief Robert Mueller Jr., who works for a firm that does business with the NFL. Ranted Nantz: "I'm tired of a former FBI director being besmirched by people like you." Others are tired of Goodell being besmooched by people like Nantz.
Colts over Titans: Goodell didn't mention the NFL victims of domestic violence in his 45-minute dodge-ball game last Friday. He must be waiting for his committees and panels to advise him when to do that.
Ravens over Panthers: HondoNation props to Stuy High for being named the city's No. 1 high school. Rumor has it the students were so excited about the honor, they dressed even more provocatively this week for Slutty Wednesday.
Mayor de Blasio says he plans to lift the cell phone ban at city schools. That way parents will be able to stay in touch with their children throughout the day and the kiddies won't have to wait until after school to do their sexting.
Steelers over Bucs: More props … to the "Slip 'N' Slide," which was nominated for the Toy Hall of Fame. In a related story, the Nip 'N' Slip has been nominated for the Internet Hall of Fame. Other Internet honorees include: the Sideboob, the Underboob, the Wardrobe Malfunction and the Wag List.
Dolphins over Raiders: Goodell definitely wants the NFL's new personal conduct policy in place by next season when Jameis Winston enters the league. In fact, word is some standardized punishments already have been worked out. For example, it will be a two-game ban for stealing crab legs, and one game for stealing soda at a Burger King. However, if there are videos of the heists, add two games.
Coming next year on CBS — "NCIS: NFL."
Jaguars over Chargers: From Bob Fox, the crafty emailer: "I am SHOCKED to read Olbermann's comments about Jeter! Who knew Olbermann was still alive?"
A tribute to Jeter from BarkingMut of SoBe: "In ways that truly count, Derek Jeter retires on Sunday after 20 years of never having struck out."
Falcons over Vikings: The Vikings, who repeatedly vowed to "get it right" when it comes to dealing with the Adrian Peterson mess, still are selling Peterson memorabilia such as jerseys, bobbleheads, earrings, shot glasses. Apparently, in the Minnesota front office, "getting it right" means raking in some extra dough on the back of an alleged child abuser.
Eagles over 49ers: Obama reportedly is so upset about the latest breach in security at the White House he may change his home protection from the beleaguered Secret Service to a neighborhood watch.
Cowboys over Saints: Larry Flynt reportedly is considering taking Hustler public. If he's smart, he will cash in on the Alibaba buzz and rename his company Alibooba.
Chiefs over Patriots: The search has begun to replace Eric Holder, who Thursday announced his resignation as Attorney General. Applicants for the DOJ's top job must be willing to monitor reporters' phone calls and read their emails, enforce laws selectively, and conduct an allegedly impartial investigation of his department should any suspicion of impropriety arise.
BEST BETS: Jets, Texans, Steelers.
THURSDAY NIGHT: Giants.
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