Pretty, skinny and 5-foot-8, Danielle is a 31-year-old actress who performs stand-up comedy, appears in TV commercials, enjoys the company of a loving man and lives on Manhattan's Upper East Side.
Yet something has been missing from her charmed life.
Actually, two things.
"I always wanted breasts,'' she told me.
"If I were a man, I would be obsessed with breasts,'' said Danielle, who asked me not to reveal her full name or show her face out of fear that a disclosure about her physical shortcomings might harm her career.
But she shows off her body with a zeal normally displayed by pin-up girls and porn stars.
Last month, Danielle visited the Park Avenue office of plastic surgeon Dr. Scott Newman. A few hours and just over $10,000 later, her wish came true.
After receiving silicone implants, Danielle's breasts grew from a delicate 32B bra size to a voluptuous 32D.
"I'm so happy now. It's amazing!'' said Danielle, whose relationship with a 29-year-old comedian is growing serious. She thanks her new additions.
"They changed me.''
Danielle says that she feels great after enhancing her bra size.Photo: Matt McDermott
What in the name of self-imposed mutilation is going on?
Call them knockers, jugs or twin peaks, these common appendages serve no practical function, except to feed infants. But breasts are daydreamed over, mainly by dames. Girls tormented Danielle in summer camp, calling her "flat-chested.'' Guys who saw her without her pushup bra, Danielle feared, were disappointed.
Today, finance companies give loans for new, improved orbs, or folks can pay off the treasured possessions through layaway plans.
Gemini Smith, a 23-year-old British woman, told the Daily Mail newspaper that she raised $7,440 last year to transform her 34As into 34DDs through the crowd-sourcing Web site MyFreeImplants.com. She chatted online with dozens of strange men and even women every week for about four months. Each "benefactor'' contributed a dollar to her boob job.
She said the new pair increased her confidence, and she's won new friends.
Admirers of the female form went into panic mode earlier this month when curvy actress and Sports Illustrated magazine cover model Kate Upton seemed to confess that she hated her two most celebrated assets.
"I wish I had smaller boobs every day of my life, as I love to wear spaghetti tops braless or go for the smallest bikini designs," Upton, 21, was quoted as saying about her 34Ds in the British newspaper The Sun on Sunday.
But the mammary-loving public breathed a collective sigh of relief when, a few days later, Upton said on an Australian radio show that she had been misquoted.
A great many people don't love the bodies God gave them.
Last year in the United States, 290,224 people, most of them women, underwent breast augmentations, the most popular cosmetic procedures performed by members of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons.
A portion of these surgeries were to reconstruct breasts after mastectomies. But each year, the number of breasts installed purely for reasons of vanity grows.
"I call it pseudo-happiness. If you think you're happy, you're happy,'' said Manhattan psychotherapist Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, the author of "Make Up, Don't Break Up.''
Kate Upton ruffled feathers when she made a seemingly disparaging comment about her breasts.Photo: Splashnews.com
Danielle told me Dr. Weil treats her for issues unrelated to her chest — she's had trouble getting close to people since her father died when she was young.
"I think we're sick and tired of equality,'' said Dr. Weil. "Now women want to be women and men want women to look like women.''
Dr. Newman, 53, operates on 300 to 350 pairs of breasts a year, lifting, enlarging and sometimes reducing their sizes. He won't give boobs to just anyone.
"Some want to save their marriages,'' said Dr. Newman, who is chief of the plastic-surgery division at St. John's Riverside Hospital in Westchester County and who operates the Web site psurgery.com. "I'm not a psychologist with a knife.''
He also repairs botched operations performed in places like the Dominican Republic and Brazil, where some patients travel to save money.
Danielle insists she's always loved her natural shape. "If there's one thing I could do for my body, this is it.''
Mazel tov, Danielle! I wish you many years of joy with your rack.
He doesn't have a shot
"I think he's going to lose.''
That's top New York criminal defense lawyer Barry Slotnick on "Blade Runner'' Oscar Pistorius, the double amputee on trial in South Africa for murdering his girlfriend.
Pistorius, 27, got his nickname from the carbon-fiber blades that replace his legs below his knees, and, in 2012 in London, he became the first disabled athlete to compete against non-disabled runners in the Olympics.
Last year, Pistorius shot a gun four times through his bathroom door, killing model and reality TV star Reeva Steenkamp, 29. Prosecutors allege he did this in a fit of rage. But in a trial punctuated bv Pistorius' bouts of crying and vomiting, he testified that he mistook the woman for an intruder and shot her accidentally.
"I don't know why he's having these tearful moments. I don't know why the defendant is in hysteria. Why should the judge have to guess as to whether that's real or not real?'' said Slotnick.
In 1987, Slotnick won acquittals on attempted murder and other charges for Bernhard Goetz, accused of shooting four youths he said were trying to mug him on the subway in 1984. (He was convicted of an unlicensed- weapons charge.)
Slotnick thinks Pistorius' biggest mistake was testifying. The trial resumes next week after a break. If convicted, he faces up to life in prison.
He's going down.
Clear the airbrush
Prince George, the 9-month-old son of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, otherwise known as Prince William and Kate Middleton, appeared on the cover of Us Weekly magazine in a a shot airbrushed to give the baby emerald-green eyes, rosy cheeks and strawberry-blond hair and eyebrows. (An Us rep denied a digital retouching.) The baby's rail-thin mom said the little prince grew "an extra fat roll'' while on a royal tour of Australia and New Zealand last week. The kid is adorable! Leave him be.
An engaging fellow, at last
Hot leftist actor George Clooney, 52, who's remained stubbornly single since his 1993 divorce from actress Talia Balsam, has popped the question to British human-rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin, 36, The Post's Page Six's Emily Smith reported.
Pigs do fly.
Show conviction on 'eviction,' NYU
Some 2,000 "eviction'' notices last week were slipped under the doors of New York University students living in dormitories that house a high number of Jews.
"If you do not vacate the premise by midnight on 25 April, 2014 we reserve the right to destroy all remaining belongings,'' the read. Some students panicked, thinking the bogus threat was real.
Members of the group NYU Students for Justice in Palestine admitted distributing the fliers, but said the prank was meant to illustrate injustices against Palestinians in Israel.
NYU administrators should expel the haters.
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