Everyone who writes a column and still has a smidgen of brain power left at this time of year makes predictions for the New Year. But nobody ever says what they "hope" will happen.
So that's what I am going to do today.
I'll skip the standard "Peace on Earth" or even "Hope the Mets Win the 2015 Series."
After all, you can't hope for the impossible.
But I do hope the Federal Reserve knows what it is doing, although I doubt it.
And I hope Fed Chair Janet Yellen and her crew of gibberish-smiths don't use the wrong phrase in one of their statements following a policy meeting and send the world financial markets spinning out of control.
I also hope that a food scientist somewhere in the developed world discovers in 2015 that French fries are really healthy vegetables. That'll get me off the hook for all my years of anti-vegetarianism.
I also hope that's an actual word in the English language — or some other tongue. (And, yes, I realize gibberish-smiths isn't.)
And I hope Goldman Sachs finally gets tired of running the US and gives the country back to our politicians in Washington (or, preferably, someone with a talent for running a nation) — although I think Goldman CEO Lloyd Blankfein is probably having too much fun to do that.
I also hope Hollywood makes at least a few movies this year that aren't "based on a true story."
Call me a traditionalist, but it would be nice once in a while if screenwriters used their imaginations.
When a movie is based on a true event, I'd like there to be a rule that they have to say what percentage is made up. Like, "the movie you are about to see is 51 percent true and 49 percent Hollywood BS."
And if any NFL team decides to sign Ray Rice next season — and I think one will — I hope his checks are sent directly to his wife, Janay. Then she can push him around for a while. "Please, Janay, I need my allowance!"
If bitcoin decides to host a college football bowl game in 2015, as it recently did in St. Petersburg, Fla., I hope the sponsors try to pay the teams, the vendors and the workers in the digital currency. Then we will hopefully see just how much confidence people don't have in the fake money.
And I hope one of the Kardashian sisters will take her husband's name. Kim West is a lot easier to spell. Unfortunately, it's also probably easier to remember.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West at LAX.Photo: X17
When guests come on TV talk shows, I hope the shows' producers this year are kind enough to tell me at the bottom of the screen who the person is. Call me out-of-touch, but I don't know who 90 percent of these "celebrities" are — and I don't think you do either.
And gasoline prices — I hope they continue to fall but don't go down so much that they cause disruptions in already disrupted parts of the world that depend on America's obsession with carbon fuel.
Speaking of which, I hope GM decides to really fix the damned ignition on my car — and millions of others — before I need to scratch my knee again. The last time I scratched it I jostled the key and completely shut off the engine.
And I hope people won't buy GM cars until the company stops pretending to have that dangerous situation under control.
Interest rates will hopefully stay low enough to allow the maximum number of Americans to buy a house. But I hope rates rise enough so that the evil, secret tax on savers will end.
I also fervently hope that the Federal government has a plan to finance its massive deficit when borrowing costs go back to normal levels.
I hope the McRib is declared an endangered species of fast food and McDonald's is ordered to protect it on its menu year round.
And I hope the US economy truly starts to blossom in 2015, so that elected officials, Wall Street pundits and myopic financial journalists can finally stop pretending that it already is.
As part of that hopefulness, I hope everyone can find a job who wants one.
Lastly, I hope you all have a Happy New Year and that 2015 proves to be a very productive year for you.
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