John Crudele
Here's what this guy in the front of the room was telling us: "Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. Get more cash for retirement. Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip."
There may have been more "flips" in his word barrage, but you get the idea.
No, I wasn't at trapeze school. Recently I was at two-hour seminar on flipping houses. Why deal with Wall Street, the guy in charge told us, where they skim off your hard-earned money in fees.
"Do you know anyone today who is a millionaire from a 401(k)?" he asked.
Well, yes, I thought. But everyone shook their heads "no" because they knew that's the answer he was looking for.
Buy beat up houses and sell them quickly instead — that's the flip — and end up wealthy and comfortably retired, he said.
Oh, yeah, there was something else. Do it with other peoples' money, he added — a key point since many of the 60 or so folks in the room at the Hilton didn't look like they had much cash of their own.
I'm not going to spend much time on the wisdom of flipping houses for a living. Basically it's the same, "buy low, get lucky, sell high" principle that applies to all investing.
And you know the housing market must have improved because these "flipping" seminars are popping up all over.
Brian Wilks, the man leading the seminar, told the attendees to look for a house that's dirt cheap because the owner is either dying, has died, or is headed off to a place where he or she will be taken care of until they die.
Other targets? Houses that belong to people too broke to afford them, or too unhappily married to live in the same place as their spouse, or simply too worn out to groom the lawn, Wilks said.
There were also these gems: if there's marble in the kitchen, it's a home run; if the bathrooms are mold-free, that's aces; if the house isn't near a toxic waste dump or psycho neighbor, go for it.
One of the main themes of the seminar was that to become a successful real estate speculator — excuse me, "entrepreneur" — you also need to be able to afford to pay other people to do all of the manual labor.
So remember to build that little expense into your budget. This way you — the boss — won't be distracted from spotting houses to flip, flip, flip.
Hey, maybe I can do this after all! I'm great at hiring others to do my work.
OK, I think you understand the pitch. This column isn't about the wisdom of buying and selling houses. I've known people who have been successful and others who've gotten clobbered, losing all they made on previous deals.
Timing isn't everything, because luck also matters a lot. (For example: Is Federal Reserve chief Ben Bernanke going to allow mortgage rates to go much higher and disqualify the buyer who might purchase the house you want to flip? Guess wrong and it could cost you a lot of money.)
Rather, this column is about Wilks and his backup team, which, for a mere $197, would like to have me and the others for an intense three-day workshop in late September in Hasbrouck Heights, NJ.
Wilks says he's offering the seminar at this enormous discount, but he won't give it away. By charging something — the price of one less cup of coffee a day for a year — Wilks tells us he'll be able to separate those of us who are merely "curious" from those who are "serious" about changing our lives.
Amen to that!
There is no mention of those of us (probably just me) who simply wanted to be entertained and perhaps fed during a dull summer lunch hour. But I learned soon after I arrived that there would be no food, which caused me to attempt, but ultimately fail, to crash a Met Life executive meeting going on in the next room.
The lack of a free lunch was Wilks' first mistake. What better way to show your guests how affluent flipping houses has made you than to toss them a ham on rye and a bag of chips. Heck, flip a burger while you are flipping houses if you want to prove you've attained a level of disposable income that puts you above the others in the room.
"We eat, sleep and drink real estate," Wilks started. "We know it makes money." His company flipped more than 100 houses last year and made a bundle. "We turn dumps into diamonds," he said.
"How many of you in the room would like to make some quick cash?" he asked. "Raise your hand." Double, amen.
"How many of you would like an extra $75,000 a year?" I raised my hand because I didn't want to be spotted as a fraud. "Some of you in this room are one flip away from having no debt."
Damn, I want to be Wilks' friend! So does the woman in front of me with the boyfriend wearing an MTA uniform. She was nodding like a bobblehead at everything Wilks said.
So, was this worth my time? Was it good theater?
Yes, yes and yes. I give Wilks 3- 1/2 stars out of 5. But points were deducted because my stomach was growling the whole time. I'm more enthusiastic after a meal.
john.crudele@nypost.com
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